We will examine why leaders endure criticism in week six of our seven-part thought leadership series on the Seven Tough Truths of Effective Leadership.
Most of us have shouted indignantly at the broadcast when the news of an unpopular decision by a politician has been announced. Anyone who passionately follows a sports team has probably taken an armchair critic’s approach to second-guessing decisions by the coach or manager. Criticism is an inherent consequence of leadership, an inevitable byproduct of the courage to lead, make decisions, and effect change. Criticism is often a sign that a leader is challenging the status quo, pushing boundaries, refusing to settle for mediocrity, and striving for something better.
Dale Carnegie famously said, “Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” This taps into a great truth of criticism – the person doing it often does so because they are incapable of taking the action they are criticizing. The expression “Those that can’t do, teach” might be more accurate if modified to “Those that can’t do, criticize.”
It is easy to forget that criticism is, at its core, an ego defense mechanism. The teenage neurotic angst of fitting in never leaves some of us. The desire to be part of the group - to hide from the limelight – is a safety strategy. This becomes apparent when someone breaks ranks and does something different from the rest of the group. In response, the group criticizes them and attempts to exert their social capital by bringing the person back into the fold. As children and teenagers, this is a developmental stage we all go through – in simple terms, it is the stage of “Who am I?” and “Which group do I belong to?”.
When a leader does something others cannot do, it highlights to others that the answer to the question “Who am I?” is “not the leader.” This immediately puts the person’s ego at threat. To protect the ego, people instead criticize the leader’s actions, hoping the leader will be viewed poorly. This is an attempt to change the answer to “Who am I?” from “not the leader” to “not the leader, but the leader is not good, so it’s ok because that means I’m good.”
Similarly, if the leader does something others cannot, the question “Which group do I belong to?” might be answered, “Not the same group as the leader.” If their ego is threatened, other people may well criticize the leader’s actions to get the leader to stop. If the leader stops the actions and only does things other people do, then other people’s inclusion in the group with the leader is secured.
To lead is to be criticized – when a leader engages in actions that others cannot or will not take, which is fundamentally what it means to be a leader, they are likely to face criticism. While this may be tolerable on a small scale, the rise of large corporations, digital communication, and social media means decisions can be instantly savaged on a mass scale. Criticism on any scale can drive ineffective or toxic leaders to respond with negative behaviors ranging from denial and dismissiveness to defensiveness and retaliation. Along with eroding psychological safety in the workplace, these behaviors limit the learning and growth of the leader.
The poet and novelist William Gilmore Simms warned, "The dread of criticism is the death of genius.” While it is normal to fear criticism, effective leaders have an innate ability to feel this fear, make decisions, and face criticism with a learning mindset. While they likely will not regret their decisions, they may reflect on how they could have been better communicated or executed. Effective leaders don’t see criticism as a deterrent but as essential to refining and improving their craft.
The ability of the leader to anticipate and embrace criticism for what it represents serves as the elixir to the sting of subtle and not-so-subtle rebukes of their decisions. Leaders know they must make difficult decisions and will be criticized for that. Eleanor Roosevelt described one way of dealing with this: "Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do and damned if you don’t.” A more modern and alternative philosophy is the one LeBron James highlighted in his statement, “I like criticism. It makes you strong.”
Effective leaders must have the right personality containment factors to cope with criticism. First and foremost, they must develop and practice low defensive responses to ego threats. No leader will survive long if they have thin skin and lash out when facing criticism. Secondly, they must develop a healthy attachment to other people. Leaders who are too detached, distant, and cold will shut themselves off from others. If they are too anxious, needy, and attention-seeking, they constantly seek validation and approval rather than constructive feedback. Leaders who operate in the ‘Goldilocks Zone’ of relationship attachment – not too hot but too cold – will seek feedback without needing approval. Finally, leaders with high levels of morality will have a strong sense they are doing what’s right rather than what’s popular, even in the face of intense criticism.
While criticism evokes fear and elicits concessions in most people, leaders recognize it for what it truly is—a strong signal that they are doing their job. While ineffective and toxic leaders are easily derailed and damaged by criticism, effective leaders take a certain comfort in it. They genuinely understand why they are criticized and stay focused on learning from it rather than being distracted.
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